the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
