He uses pillows to masturbate.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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