i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
