if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
