I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize