Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
