Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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