I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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