DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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