Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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