he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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