just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
