we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
