I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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