respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
