she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
