I have demons in me.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize