ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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