Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
