dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
