how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
