i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
