We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
