sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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