So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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