She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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