It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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