Swine flu is the new snow day.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
