Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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