singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
