His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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