when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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