11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
