I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
