dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
