who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
