i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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