Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
