A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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