Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
