p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
