bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
