When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
