you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
