why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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