I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize