I'm drive I can fine osifer
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
