i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
