bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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