y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
