My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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