Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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