I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
People with herpes should wear stickers.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
