He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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