Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
