During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
