3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
