Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
