i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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