pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
