Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
